


Heavy is the head that wears the crown

by Spriingflower



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Beomgyu with wings, Coming of Age, Friendship, Gen, Light Angst, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Soobin with horns, honestly I'm not sure how to best tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 14:25:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18033431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spriingflower/pseuds/Spriingflower
Summary: Soobin doesn't want to be the monster others started seeing in him but maybe he can't help becoming just that.





	Heavy is the head that wears the crown

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, small disclaimer before you go into this: since these boys debuted like yesterday I didn't really get much of a chance to learn about them yet so I have no idea how accurate they are represented in this story. Also, this whole thing is (obviously I guess) built around the lyrics and the story behind Crown because that song gave me a sudden burst of inspiration that somehow turned into this almost 8k mess of a story. Enjoy it, I guess^^

Soobin blinks open his eyes and immediately squeezes them shut again. The light is only glowing softly but it hurts his eyes that are still used to the comfortable dark of night nevertheless. At least when he stares right into it like he did just now. He spends a moment sitting upright in bed with his eyes squeezed into small slits and glances over at the clock to check if he can just roll over and maybe sleep for another ten minutes or so. He opens them fully when he sees that the red numbers on his digital alarm clock read 03:00. In the middle of the night where no sunlight should be falling into his room to blind it. Also, he has his curtains pulled close either way. And the ceiling lamp is off. Soobin's eyes are now fully open and for the first time, he notices the boy that is sitting at his feet. Crosslegged and watching him curiously with his head tilted to the side just a little bit.

The first thing Soobin notices about him is that his hair is a soft light brown, like milk chocolate or caramel. The kind of hair colour his parents won't allow him to dye his hair because children should not be dyeing their hair at all according to them. But the boy that is sitting on Soobin's bed has apparently never heard of that. His hair is a lovely light brown and it looks so perfect and fluffy that it just might be his natural hair colour. The second thing Soobin notices are the wings poking out behind the boy's back. Now with his focus on this detail, it's weird how he managed to get hung up on hair colours first to be honest. The wings are also the source of the light that is filling Soobin's room in the middle of the pitch black night. They are giving off a soft glow that illuminates the whole room with a ghostly shine. Soobin immediately makes the mental connection between the boy and a firefly but that's not quite fitting. His wings are too pretty for that. They look as fragile and delicate as those of a butterfly and they have a milky white colour. The kind of white that is not perfectly pure but a little more creamy. Just like the almond milk that Soobin loves so much. Actually, everything about the boy is delicate and butterflylike. The way his eyelids flutter when he blinks, long lashes gently brushing over his face. His slender frame and slim limbs. His pretty face with the dark eyes.

"Hello", the boy says. His voice is soft and melodic, almost angelic, like wind chimes being played by a gentle breeze.

"Who are you?", Soobin asks, even though the question he actually means to ask is a different one. What are you? How did you get in here? What are you doing here? It's somewhere between those three. Soobin's voice cracks a little as he speaks. His throat feels dry and his tongue oddly numb. Suddenly he feels incredibly stupid in front of the strange boy on his bed. He must look messy with his bedhead and the sleepy eyes while the boy looks like an angel that came down from heaven just to sit by his bed and watch over him. The boy giggles.

"My name's Beomgyu, what's yours?"

Soobin didn't ask the question that he meant to ask and the boy answered an entirely different one he didn't even realise had been bugging him in the back of his mind. But somehow the right answer had been given. Soobin feels at ease for a moment. Even though he knows practically nothing about the strange boy sitting on his bed he isn't scared of him at all. It's almost weird how he isn't the least bit freaked out by his presence. But somehow knowing his name is giving Soobin a feeling of safety. Beomgyu won't hurt him. He can't explain, but he knows that for a fact.

"Soobin. My name is Choi Soobin."

Beomgyu nods and then repeats the name silently, lips shaping the sounds of Soobin's name with the utmost care while he pronounces it letter by letter without actually making as sound. Soobin stares at Beomgyu's lips a little more than he maybe should. They are oddly red in this faint glowing light. So red that he might just be wearing lipstick. Red like fresh tomatoes, or roses, or ladybugs. Red like a poppy. Soobin is so caught up in it that he doesn't notice that Beomgyu's lips have stopped moving to mouth his name without a sound until the boy suddenly speaks up again.

"This will probably sound a little weird, but I promise that I'm not creepy. I have been watching you for a while now, you are really special and I want to help you with something", Beomgyu shifts around a little while he is talking, his wings are fluttering excitedly and the glowing becomes a little brighter. Now that he sees them move, Soobin begins to wonder how exactly they even work. Beomgyu is wearing a normal looking shirt that should actually trap his wings if they really grew out of his back, but they are fluttering freely. He wonders if they can actually carry Beomgyu through the air. The wings seem so thin and fragile. Too weak to carry a human. Then again, maybe Beomgyu isn't. But Soobin is. And there is nothing special about him at all. He tells Beomgyu and the other boy laughs.

"You just don't know it yet. Hmmm, let me try this another way. Do you sometimes get these weird headaches? Like your head is about to break in half and explode? Like there is too much inside of your mind and your skull is too small to keep it all contained?"

Soobin nods hesitantly. He does get headaches a lot. His mother calls them migraines and tells him that it's nothing to be worried about. But the way she bites her bottom lip every time they go to a new doctor that prescribes a new kind of medication does make her look incredibly worried. But Beomgyu doesn't look worried at all. He has a satisfied smile on his face.

"That is because you are very special. And there is something inside of your head that wants out. I can help you with that. It might hurt even more at first but I promise you that it will go away. And then everything will get better."

Soobin doesn't understand but he finds himself willing to agree to whatever Beomgyu might do to him. The boy at the foot of his bed moves. He climbs up until he is kneeling right in front of Soobin and then he gently places his fingertips and Soobin's temples. Beomgyu's fingers are pleasantly cool, they cure a throbbing headache Soobin didn't even feel before. Suddenly his head is completely light and free from any pain for the first time in his entire life. Then Beomgyu leans forward, his lips meet Soobin's forehead with a gentle press. The second the other boy pulls away with a sort of apologetic smile a sharp pain explodes in Soobin's head. It feels like his skull is literally breaking apart. The pain is sharp and stinging and red. Poppy red.

 

"I had the wildest dream last night", Yeonjun announces the same moment he sits down on the chair he has just pulled up to Soobin's table. It's lunch break and his best friend came over to spend it with him as usual. Soobin nods weakly as a greeting that Yeonjun oversees completely because he is already way too deep into a recounting of his dream from last night. Soobin only listens with half an ear. He woke up with a pounding headache this morning. At first, he figured that it would just go away after a while but instead, it only got worse. At this point, he is feeling dizzy, almost nauseous. His head feels like it's about to burst and he can barely focus on anything anymore. Even the slightest kind of disturbance feels like someone drilling straight into his forehead. Every little sound is too loud, every light too bright. He wants to cover his eyes and ears and slam his forehead against the table repetitively until it takes the edge of the throbbing pain.

"Either way so I was like building this cocoon thing around myself for some reason and it literally felt like I was transforming into something different. You know like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly or something like that. I don't even know. But I could see my arms like change shape and all that. It was super weird. And when I woke up I had literally rolled myself up in my blanket I don't even know how I did that, but it was the best blanket burrito ever and- hey, are you okay?" Yeonjun interrupts his story that Soobin hasn't really been paying attention to either way to look at him with concern in his eyes and a slight frown on his face.

"Yeah, it's just... headaches", Soobin mutters. He rubs his hands at his temples as if to emphasise his point. And also because it gives him just a slight bit of relief when he presses his hands down as if he is trying to squeeze his skull together. But sadly that feeling never lasts. Yeonjun is still looking at him, now the concern is clearly taking over and he is about to jump into full protective older brother mode. Give him a chance to prove himself as the Hyung and be the mature one for once and he jumps at it. Soobin lets out a small sigh, knowing that he will be able to blame it on the pain.

"You look really pale, are you sure you're okay?", Yeonjun asks. He reaches out a hand and aims it at Soobin's forehead as if he is trying to feel his temperature but Soobin flinches back almost instinctively and dodges. Yeonjun's frown momentarily becomes a bit deeper then he suddenly begins picking up Soobin's pencil case and textbooks and shoves it all in the bag that is leaning against Soobin's chair completely unprompted.

"Come on, I'm getting you to the school nurse and there is nothing you can do against it", Yeonjun announces while he shoves the remains of Soobin's school stuff into his bag and then quickly shoulders it before Soobin can hold onto it. He is about to protest but Yeonjun is already strolling out of the room with Soobin's backpack thrown over his shoulder. And if Soobin's stuff is going to the nurse's room he figures that he will have to as well.

 

The first thing the school nurse does is take Soobin's temperature while she almost glares down at a piece of paper where she is noting down his name, class and complaint. Soobin managed to glance at the paper briefly while she was cleaning the thermometer – who knows how many other students have already taken this thing in their mouth before him – and was able to make out the words  _tension headache? lack of sleep?_ scribbled onto it. Soobin isn't sure what exactly a tension headache is and how it's different from any other kind of headache but lack of sleep does sound about right. He too had a really weird dream last night. And if things were different he probably would have spent his lunch break munching on some sweet bread and talking about weird dreams with Yeonjun. The nurse plucks the thermometer out of his mouth and then squints at it for a moment. There is still something like a piercing glare in her eyes. She's staring at the thermometer as if the poor thing personally insulted her. Then she makes a gruff humming sound and takes a couple more notes. Yeonjun, who obviously decided to spend his break with his friend regardless of what else is happening, peeks over her shoulder and dramatically raises his eyebrows at the temperature the school nurse noted down while he silently fake gasps. That could mean anything from a perfectly normal temperature to Soobin's head actually boiling on the inside. The nurse proceeds to ask a series of questions that Soobin all tries to answer as best as he can. When did the headache start? How much sleep did he get last night? Did he eat breakfast? Has he been drinking enough water? And so on and so forth. With every question, he finds it harder to focus on what she is saying and a couple of times he has to ask her to repeat them for her. That only makes her visibly more upset. He doesn't understand why she seems so irritated at him but it still makes him feel guilty. Like he is imposing on her just because he has a headache. Even though it should be her job to take care of him.

In the end, she writes him a permission slip to leave school early and tells him to show that to his teacher and then go home right away. The whole time she keeps glaring at him as if he only decided to get a headache so he had a reason to come and bother her during lunch break. And the worst part is that she actually manages to make him feel bad for it.

 

His mother picks him up from school with her forehead put into wrinkles and her mouth pressed into a thin line. She takes him to a doctor without even stopping at home so that Soobin can drop off his stuff and change out of the stiff school uniform first. The waiting room at the doctor is fairly packed considering that it is early afternoon in the middle of the week. But there are a few old people coughing into their handkerchiefs and annoyed looking mothers with young children that fight over who of them gets to play with the bricks that sit around in the waiting area. The sounds they are making are like drills into Soobin's forehead. He closes his eyes and tries to block everything else out as best as he can.

They sit for maybe half an hour until Soobin is called into an examination room. An overly friendly looking doctor greets him with warm, latex-gloved hands. There is a creepy looking sock puppet sitting on his desk that Soobin can't take his eyes off while the doctor goes through the same procedure of taking his temperature and asking him questions that the school nurse has already gone through. Soobin gives him the same answers he already gave the school nurse earlier. His head is pounding, his eyes are burning and his whole body feels heavy. All he wants to do is lie down and maybe sleep for a whole day without interruption. Maybe then the pain will go away. Once the doctor is gone he sends Soobin out to stand in the hallway so he can talk to his mother. Maybe it's the headache that's making Soobin feel so much more irritated over this than he should be but somehow it annoys him how this doctor is treating him so much like a child. He is eighteen not eight years old. But he does as he is told and stands outside while the doctor talks to his mother. He can still hear bits and pieces of their conversation muffled through the door. The doctor asks his mother some of the same questions he already asked Soobin before. About his migraines, how frequently he gets them and how bad they usually are. Soobin's mother gives the same answers as he did earlier but somehow the doctor treats them as if they are suddenly of more value, making approving humming noises after everything she says and apparently also taking notes eagerly. He then goes on to babble about how it's probably nothing serious and after a few days of rest and drinking enough water everything should be okay again. Also, something about maybe keeping the blinds and curtains closed because of possible sensitivity to sunlight. Soobin's mother thanks him way more times than she should have to and then gets sent out as well so she can pick up a sick note for her son at the front desk that will allow him to stay home from school for the rest of the week until he is alright again.

Except that at the end of the week Soobin still does not feel alright and if anything the headaches have only gotten worse. At this point, they come in waves. Sometimes Soobin's head feels better for a bit until they suddenly build up again and crash down on him like a wave rolling into shore and washing away at his sanity. He stays in his room most of the days. With the curtains drawn shut and the lights turned off because everything else is just too bright for him to handle and it makes him nauseous and dizzy. He only sneaks out every once in a while for food or a trip to the bathroom. And other than that he just sleeps a lot. Because when he is asleep – manages to even fall asleep that is – the headaches can't bother him for a while. They always come back twice as strong when he wakes up again though.

When it is Saturday afternoon and Soobin's head is still pounding his mother takes him to the doctor again. A different one this time. One that asks more questions and does a few more checks than just taking his temperature. This doctor pushes up his glasses with a stern look on his face and talks in an earnest but hushed voice to Soobin's mother. In the end, they get sent to a nearby hospital for some head scans. And maybe it is now something to worry about after all.

 

After they are done putting him through a row of test and using like three different weird machines to take a look inside his head, Soobin gets moved onto a free hospital bed in a not completely free room. Because maybe they will have to keep him there for a while. For monitoring. His mother is off talking to some doctor somewhere about something they found or maybe didn't find on the scans of his head so Soobin is left alone with another boy who is reading a book and the dull headache that is torturing him. He closes his eyes and uses his palms to gently rub at his temples in an attempt to ease the pain at least a little bit. It doesn't do much but if he presses down hard enough there is just the slightest bit of relief. At this point, the headaches are constant. They are just worse or better. There is no time where he is really completely pain-free. So a short moment of having them not be as intense as the rest of the time is already sweet bliss. Soobin lowers his hands again after rubbing his forehead for maybe a minute or two and almost immediately the pain shoots up again. Like something piercing through his forehead from the inside. A small explosion inside of his skull. He must have let out some kind of audible whine or groan at the pain because when he blinks his eyes open again the boy in the other bed has his book put down and is looking at him curiously.

"Are you alright?", he asks. There is a bit of hesitation in his voice. Like he knows that maybe he should not get involved. But he is too curious. Too interested in something juicy finally happening in this grey hospital room with the stale tasting air. There is a glimmer of excitement in his big eyes. "Do you want me to call the nurse for you?", he asks and this time there definitely is a hint of excitement in his voice. Soobin shakes his head slowly and immediately regrets it, as it sends a jolt of pain from the crown of his head down to his neck.

"It's alright", he mutters, hoping that this will end the conversation. But instead, the other boy swings his legs out of his hospital bed and gets up. Soobin catches a glimpse at the cover of the book he was reading. The title seems to be in English but his aching head is too tired to even attempt a translation. The other boy skips over to Soobin's bed like a small pet curiously coming to inspect an unfamiliar person. Without asking first, he climbs onto Soobin's bed and sits down. He looks at him and for a moment Soobin is almost freaked out by how big his eyes actually are. Then the boy awkwardly stretches out a hand. His left one. But the way he holds it a little clumsily indicates that he would usually prefer his right. Only now Soobin notices the bandages wrapped around the boy's right arm.

"I'm Taehyun", he introduces himself with a bright smile. Soobin is so taken aback by this for a moment that he takes the boy's hand without thinking about it.

"Soobin", he mumbles. Taehyun smiles a content smile while he pulls back his hand after a clumsy handshake.

"Is there something wrong with your head?", he asks. Apparently, he doesn't care the least bit that the question might be considered invasive. He is bored and Soobin is apparently a lot more interesting than the book he was reading before. Soobin shrugs.

"I don't really know. It just hurts a lot. They did a couple of tests just now and I'm waiting for someone to tell me what the results are. I hope it's nothing really serious though. I always kinda had migraines and stuff like that a lot but this is new. My head hurts like hell. Like it's breaking apart or something. I can't really do anything right now, I hope they just prescribe me some medication or something that makes it go away."

"That really sucks", Taehyun muses. Soobin shrugs again. It really does. But talking about it only makes him more aware of the pounding behind his forehead and it's beginning to tire him out.

"So what happened to you?", he asks, hoping that a change of topic and some distraction might be a relief. Taehyun raises his right arm slightly. The skin around his fingers is tinted a weird orange colour and there are also some stains of it on the bandage that is wrapped around his arms. It's not a particularly thick bandage. Not the kind you would wrap around a mending bone but rather the thin layer you'd put over a wound, just to protect it from dirt possibly causing an infection.

"Broke my arm", Taehyun bluntly states the obvious. Soobin waits for him to elaborate on how exactly it happened but the other boy stays silently. Suddenly he seems bored with the conversation and starts fiddling around with one of the clips that are supposed to hold his bandage together. So Soobin asks.

"Well, how did it happen?"

Taehyun breaks out into a wide and slightly crooked grin. He leans in a little as if the story of him falling and breaking his arm somehow is some kind of big secret that can only be told in whispers. Usually, Soobin would not like the sudden invasion of personal space but he lets the boy come closer.

"You will probably call me stupid for it, but I broke it because I jumped out of a window. It was only on the second floor so it wasn't that high up and maybe I would have even gotten away unscathed but I kind of landed on my arm in the most idiotic way possible. But that isn't actually the stupid part. The stupid thing is that I jumped willingly. Because I somehow had myself convinced that nothing would happen to me. You know, I must sound like a lunatic right now, but for a moment I was sure that I had wings. And I wanted to test them out. So I jumped. Turns out I couldn't fly after all and now I'm here. The worst part about the whole thing is actually that I managed to break my arm so bad that they had to do surgery on it. I think they put some kind of metal things in there to stabilise it. And I won't even get a cast. A cast would have at least been kind of cool, could have gone around and asked everyone to sign it and have an obvious excuse to not be able to do school work and all that. But now all I have is a bandage and orange skin. And a stupid story that makes me sound like an idiot. At least I get released today. My mom is probably gonna pick me up soon."

Taehyun ends his rant with another small shrug and a grin. Soobin has nothing to reply to that. And even if he could think of something the sudden pain exploding from his forehead disables him from doing anything else but groan in pain and press his hands to his temple. He presses down hard as if he is trying to hold something together that is already bursting. He can hear a silent curse coming from Taehyun but it sounds muffled like he is hearing everything through a layer of cotton wrapped around his head. Then there is a hand on his shoulder and suddenly the pain stops. Soobin blinks open his eyes and then he sees them. There really are wings on his back. They are feathered and vibrant green and he carries them on his back like a faint shadow. Taehyun seems to also be seeing something. His eyes become even bigger and his mouth falls open.

"Woah", he whispers, suddenly backing away from Soobin. His head is gone from his shoulders and so are the wings on his back suddenly. But the shocked expression on Taehyun's face remains. He seems almost frightened, slowly backing away from Soobin's bed without turning his back on him. "Woah", he repeats. "That's crazy."

Suddenly the door to their room flies open and a middle-aged woman in a flower-patterned summer dress – probably Taehyun's mother – walks in. She quickly looks back and forth between her son and Soobin who is sitting on his bed completely stunned. A small gasp escapes her before she roughly grabs her son's unharmed elbow and drags him to his bed where they quickly gather his belongings before she drags him out of the room. Taehyun looks back over his shoulder to stare at Soobin one last time while his mother drags him out of the room. His eyes are wide open. A mix of different emotions on his face that Soobin doesn't fully understand. Fear? Curiosity? Maybe also something close to wonder?

After Taehyun is gone it's silent. And even though it has been some calm that Soobin has been longing for it's suddenly putting him on edge. Maybe an hour or so later his mother rushes into the room. Without much of explanation, she shoves a hoodie into his hands and tells him to wear that and make sure he really keeps the hood on to cover his head. At first, he complains because it's warm outside and also he's feeling a little dizzy again but his mother shuts him down harshly and tells him to just do as she says. So, in the end, he pulls the hoodie over his head and follows her outside. His mother walks ahead quickly and ignores all the questions he tries throwing in her direction. After several failed attempts at coaxing some information out of her, he just gives up and tries his best not to fall behind. A few people throw them curious glances as they rush past them and down the hospital hallways with the squeaky PVC floor. His mother tells him to just keep his head low while she speeds up even more. Apparently, Soobin is not staying for monitoring. He's not sure if that is a good or a bad thing. He isn't really sure about anything actually. All he knows is that his head feels heavy and that he is really tired and confused. He doesn't understand why his mother is suddenly in such a rush to get him home, doesn't understand the hoodie he has to wear to cover his head and he doesn't understand why the headache has suddenly gone from glaring red pain to a dull aching. When he rubs at his temples he feels a small lump on his forehead, as if he bumped into something and it's swelling.

He doesn't understand any of it until he is back home in his room and looking into his mirror. There are horns growing on his forehead. 

 

At first, they were sensitive to touch. His horns. It would send a small jolt of pain through his head every time he touched them. Every time he pulled a shirt over his head and got it tangled in the unfamiliar knubs on his forehead. At first, they were sensitive to touch and small. Now they are almost as long as his thumbs and he can't really hide them under a hoodie anymore. So he mostly stays in his room these days. With the curtains drawn and the lights turned off. But now it is no longer to protect him from the sunlight. His headaches have gone back a lot. Now it's just a dull pain when he moves to fast or bumps his horns against something. Now the curtains are closed to protect the world from him. At least that is what it feels like.

He can hear his parents fight every other day. And he knows that it's because of him. They don't say it. But they show it. In the way, he is no longer called downstairs when dinner is ready. In the way, they make sure he stays in his room if it can't be avoided that he has to go out at all. In the way, he hears his mother say his name in a hushed voice when she is on the telephone with her sister. He is not sure what they told the school - or anyone for that matter - but it must have been enough to stop anyone from asking questions. Soobin's friends from school don't come over to visit him while he is locked up in his room. They don't contact him and when he still tried to text them to ask about schoolwork and what he was missing out on they didn't reply. He has stopped trying now.

So he stays in his room, with the curtains drawn and the light turned off. He has also covered up his mirror. Because he can't stand looking at his reflection anymore.

Soobin didn't mean to grow horns, but he still feels like it is his fault that they are sticking out of his forehead now. Maybe he did something to deserve this. Maybe he has done something wrong and now he is being punished for it. A curse. A sentence. Maybe he really is turning into the monster everyone else makes him out to be now. He didn't mean to, really, but maybe it's just who he is. Soobin knows that everyone else must be terribly scared of him now. But what they don't seem to realise is that he is scared too. He is scared of the piercing pain that shoots through his head sometimes. He is scared of the speed at which the horns are growing. He is scared that he is turning into a monster. Because he doesn't want to be. He's not a monster. He knows that. But maybe he can't help becoming one.

 

Soobin has lost count of the days, lost count of the fights he has overheard his parents have over what to do with their misfortune of a son, lost count of the times he cried himself to sleep. His horns have grown into small antlers and his eyes have grown dry. No amount of crying is making any of this better. He feels numb. His head is heavy and a throbbing headache nags at his skull, trying to eat him up. The glowing numbers on his digital alarm clock read 03:00 and he decides that he can't stay this feeling of being trapped in here any longer. He's not going to run away. At least he doesn't plan to. But he wants to go outside. For just a moment. The longer he stays here in his room, hidden away and caged up like a wild beast the more he begins feeling like one. And he so desperately wants to feel human again.

So he throws on a jacket and sneaks outside. Even with the hood pulled down into his face as much as possible he is sure that the antlers on his head still show. They are sticking up, forming a weird tent on his head that props his hood up in an unnatural manner. But he figures that it will be alright for now. Because at this time there are not a lot of people out and he doesn't plan to go far. Soobin has a clear goal in mind. The small convenience store down the road that is opened pretty much all the time, even in the middle of the night. And he has a clear objective. A pack of almond milk and maybe some sweet bread if he can find some. Because these are things that always made him happy before. Things that are familiar to him. And maybe they will give him comfort now. Maybe they will make him feel normal for a moment.

The boy sitting behind the register looks tired and incredibly bored. He is playing a game on his phone when Soobin walks in but puts it away immediately once he hears the prerecorded chime sound of the door opening and announcing a customer. The boy must be around Soobin's age actually. Maybe even younger. Some high school kid working a side job in his free time to save up for something his parents won't buy for him. The boy greets him in an overly cheerful manner and with a big sugary smile on his face. Soobin avoids looking directly at him while he mumbles a greeting back and then quickly strolls over to the dairy case where he knows they keep his favourite kind of milk stacked. He can feel the boy's eyes on him as he searches through the different milk packages. There is something slightly odd about his face. On first glance, he looked like some kind of alien. The shape of his face is... different. Maybe he's only half-Korean. If he even is from here at all. But that weird face is in a way also dashingly beautiful. On second glance, the features that Soobin first perceived as weird are oddly handsome. The boy is tall, his skin looks soft and his smile is cute. Soobin forces himself not to stare. Because if he has learned anything in the time that he has now been hidden away from curious glances is that he really doesn't want to be stared at. So he probably shouldn't be the one staring at others and judging them for the way they look. Between the two of them, he is the weird looking one. With the hood of his jacket sticking up from his head and the bumps of his antlers clearly showing against the fabric. He hates that the other boy is staring at him, but he can understand it. If their roles were reversed he would also be staring. You don't really care how uncomfortable your stares can make someone feel until you are the one being stared at. And you forget again as soon as the eyes are no longer on you. Maybe because you are glad that there is someone else you can stare at and that you are not the weird one for once. Soobin hates that the boy is staring at him, but he can't really hate him for it.

He places his milk carton and a packaged bread with sweet bean filling on the cash register and waits for the boy to ring him up. But instead, the boy continues looking at his head.

"What are you hiding under there?", he asks curiously. Soobin knows that the boy probably means no harm but he still tenses up.

"Nothing", he answers. Maybe a little too harshly. The boy pouts but at least he finally grabs the milk and the bread and rings them up. Soobin gets more nervous with every passing second and he wishes he had just stayed at home, but he is so close to getting what he wants now that he can't back out anymore.

"That'll be 2,500 Won", the boy explains. Soobin nods quickly while he pushes his hands into the pockets of his jacket to search for the crumbled up bill he stuffed in there earlier. And maybe all of that motion is a little too much for the hood that is carefully draped over the antlers. It slides down. Time stands still for a moment. The change the boy was about to hand Soobin lands on the cash register with a dull thump. His eyes are wide open.

 _"What the hell?"_ , for some reason, the words escape the other boy in English. Soobin tries to pull his hood back into position as quickly as he can but the damage has already been done. The other boy has seen and he is completely freaked out. "Oh my god that's so weird", he gasps. In Korean this time. Because maybe he really wants to make sure Soobin understands how repulsed he is by his appearance. And he knows that the boy doesn't mean harm, that it's probably a natural reaction but it hurts. And maybe he is seeing things both for a second a slit tongue pokes out of the other boy's mouth. Like that of a lizard or maybe some kind of snake hissing at him, venom dripping from his lips. Soobin grabs his stuff, leaves the change and runs.

 

He is not sure how far he ran. And he is also not sure where exactly he is and how he is going to get back. But he finds himself on an empty park bench in an empty park under a flickering streetlight. Carefully he pulls his jacket hood back up and makes sure it stays there this time. Then he rips open the plastic wrapping of the bread and stuffs almost the whole thing into his mouth in one big bite. He tries to fight down the tears that are welling up in his eyes while he chews. He is not even sure what he is crying for. So he rubs them away with the back of his hand before they can really spill from his eyes and punches the straw into his milk carton. He slurps it loudly, the way he has always been told not to do, because at this point it doesn't matter anymore. He has tried so hard. Tried so hard to drink his milk silently and be all nice and proper and do what others expect of him but it was all in vain. There are horns growing out of his head and he hates it.

The street light over his head suddenly gives up and turns off completely. Everything becomes a little darker. Soobin wraps his arms around himself shivering. The thin jacket he threw on mainly to hide his head is not enough to really keep him warm out here for long. Especially when he is just sitting outside on a park bench and trying to make himself as small as possible. And to make things worse the dull throbbing in his head suddenly becomes more painful. He shuts his eyes and rubs his temples with his palms to soothe a bit of the pain. A glimmer of light pierces through his closed eyes and at first Soobin thinks, that the lantern has somehow turned on again. But when he opens his eyes again there is a boy with fluffy caramel brown hair and almond milk coloured wings on his back standing right in front of him. Beomgyu has his head tilted to the side and watches Soobin curiously.

"You are still hiding them", he notices. He doesn't have to say what exactly he is referring to. Soobin knows. He lowers his head. Suddenly he feels ashamed. His cheeks are flaring up with a hot tinge of red.

"I don't want to freak anyone out", he mumbles. Again, he feels so ugly compared to the angelic boy in front of him. Suddenly he is all too aware of the chubby fat on his cheeks and the bags under his eyes. He tries to pull his hood down even further but suddenly another pair of hands are on his. Cool skin and slender fingers pry his hands away from his head and he looks up at Beomgyu again.

"Don't you think that you are the one that is scared of showing them? You have nothing to be ashamed of", Beomgyu's voice is soft and melodic and while he talks he very carefully lifts up the hood of Soobin's jacket. He does nothing to stop the boy from freeing his horns, but he avoids looking at him. He could not bear seeing the disgust in Beomgy's eyes once he too realises what kind of monster he is dealing with. But the shocked reaction never happens. At least not in the way that Soobin had anticipated. Beomgyu gasps softly.

"So pretty", he whispers. Soobin's head snaps up and he meets Beomgyu's eyes. He seems honest, not a hint of mocking.

"Really?", Soobin's voice trembles as he asks the simple question that to him is so complicated. His whole body is shivering and shaking and he feels incredibly ridiculous. Beomgyu nods.

"Yeah, they are just like a crown. Do they still hurt you?"

"Sometimes", Soobin admits silently. Beomgyu hums while he carefully cards his soft fingertips through Soobin's hair. His touches are gently and his skin is cool against Soobin's throbbing head. The touch eases the pain away slowly. Even the pain Soobin wasn't even aware he was feeling anymore. He had gotten so used to the dull throbbing being a constant that he almost doesn't remember what it's like to feel completely pain-free and lightheaded.

"My wings hurt too when they first came out", Beomgyu explains in a soft whisper. He keeps rubbing circles around the antlers that grow out of Soobin's forehead in a soothing manner while he whispers secrets with a clear voice. "At first I thought I was going to die, that's how bad it hurt. Like my whole body was being torn apart. But I think I understand now. It hurt so much because I was trying to keep something inside that desperately wanted to be out. It's the same with you. There is just too much inside of you that wants to be let out and you keep it all under lock and cage. So you grew antlers. Because your head is too full. And I grew wings. Because I think deep down I always strive for being something bigger than I actually am. Something more. I want to break out and be free and explore more and see more and try more but I'm forced to keep my feet on the ground. So I tried to stay grounded until it ripped me apart. It hurts when you are finally forced to see yourself for who you are. Especially when you are not ready yet to show it to others. But it's not your fault that they are staring. You are special and they are ignorant."

Beomgyu pulls his hands back but the pain doesn't come back this time. Soobin sits up straight to take a closer look at the other boy. Now that he is really paying attention to his wings he notices that Beomgyu's shirt had a huge cutout that looks somewhat makeshift at the back. The wings are poking straight out of his shoulder blades, softly moving with every breath the boy takes. They look so thin and fragile but they are probably still so heavy to carry. Too heavy for a human to carry. But Beomgyu is standing up straight, smiling down at Soobin. And something about that soft smile on that fragile little boy gives Soobin the strength he had been lacking. It's no magic. No instant cure to a throbbing headache that has been handed to him on a silver platter. It's a kind of understandign that settles in slowly. A realisation that had always been in the back of his mind like the dull throbbing of a headache. He takes a deep breath, then he locks eyes with Beomgyu. The other boy smiles at him. Soft and angelic.

"You are so tall, Choi Soobin, you should not be lowering your head. Come, stand up."

Soobin grabs the hand that Beomgyu is stretching out for him and allows the smaller boy to pull him to his feet. He feels light as a feather. There are horns growing out of Soobin's head but he loves it.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading this, I appreciate all sorts of feedback and I'm always interested in hearing your thoughts, so please, feed a starving author and leave some comments :D  
> You can also find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/writteninspring) or follow me on [tumblr](https://spriingflower.tumblr.com/) or [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/iamspringflower/) if you want to.  
> 


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